Today I found out the meaning of...

VADE MECUM
(c) Billy Collins

I want the scissors to be sharp
and the table to be perfectly level
when you cut me out of my lie
and paste me in that book you always carry.

LATE SHOW
(c) Billy Collins

No wonder everyone loved the private dick
whose only badge is a pack of Camels
and who never dies until the movie is over
and nobody can watch him writhe.

He charges a hundred a day plus expenses
and there would be plenty of time to relax
between cases.

The only suffering in the world would be
those blackjackings from the blind side
his nods to mortality,

but then he fades into a soft dissolve
and comes to on a sumptuous couch
a blonde in a nightgown rubbing his temples
and pouring brandies as she reconsiders
the double cross.

What better style of transport
than an open car squealing along
the Coast highway, one hand on the wheel
as you unravel the onion of the murder
so fast she can't even follow.

What better place to think things over
than a swivel chair in a darkened office,
the pulse of the neon hotel sign
illuminating your notorious face

your hat hanging on the rach where you
tossed it on the way in.

PS: Although I almost missed the generation of Mike Hammer,Carter and Travis McGee, I chanced upon about 30 of these novels in some corner at home. For a 14 year old, the charm of a divorced, chain smoking, rugged detective blustering his way through whistling bullets, skimpy blondes and the occassional weak plot was irresistable - later I realized that there have been more who succumbed.

This poem is a kind of a tribute to this genre...by gently smiling at all the impossibilities that the genre was composed of, Collins also seems to be tipping his hat to an old memory, a friend we left behind when we moved from the suburbs to downtown.

PPS: Especially loved the way he has etched...
"nods to mortality"
"reconsiders the doublecross"
"unraveled the onion of a murder so fast she cant even follow"

For those unfamiliar with these characters, a good starting point would be Calvin's Tracer Bullet ;-)

The Death of Allegory (c)

I am wondering what became of all those tall abstractions
that used to pose, robed and statuesque, in paintings
and parade about on the pages of the Renaissance
displaying their capital letters like license plates.

Truth cantering on a powerful horse,
Chastity, eyes downcast, fluttering with veils.
Each one was marble come to life, a thought in a coat,
Courtesy bowing with one hand always extended,

Villainy sharpening an instrument behind a wall,
Reason with her crown and Constancy alert behind a helm.
They are all retired now, consigned to a Florida for tropes.
Justice is there standing by an open refrigerator.

Valor lies in bed listening to the rain.
Even Death has nothing to do but mend his cloak and hood,
and all their props are locked away in a warehouse,
hourglasses, globes, blindfolds and shackles.

Even if you called them back, there are no places left
for them to go, no Garden of Mirth or Bower of Bliss.
The Valley of Forgiveness is lined with condominiums
and chain saws are howling in the Forest of Despair.

Here on the table near the window is a vase of peonies
and next to it black binoculars and a money clip,
exactly the kind of thing we now prefer,
objects that sit quietly on a line in lower case,

themselves and nothing more, a wheelbarrow,
an empty mailbox, a razor blade resting in a glass ashtray.
As for the others, the great ideas on horseback
and the long-haired virtues in embroidered gowns,

it looks as though they have traveled down
that road you see on the final page of storybooks,
the one that winds up a green hillside and disappears
into an unseen valley where everyone must be fast asleep.

- Billy Collins

PS: Dont you know exactly what hes talking about when he says "The Valley of Forgiveness is lined with condominiums and chain saws are howling in the Forest of Despair" ;-)

Visit by Azzarro

Today after church, went to the Medici bakery for spinach pie and soymilk…quite a far cry from my idli/ dosa/ appam/ upma kind of breakfast in India. A kid at the counter, about 18-20 years old, says “You smelling nice!”. I am like “Duh!?! - I am sorry; I didn’t get that”. And then the other counter girl also joins in and says “She said you are smelling nice today”…Embarrassment explodes! GT goes back to studying the menu seriously. After about 15 seconds, I gather the courage to say “Yeah, it’s a new deo”. At which both of them burst out laughing. Sheesh. General grin all the way back to the room.

People are strange when you're a stranger...

Some surprises at Chicago…

1. People are nice
A lot of people I met on the road were quite sweet-patiently explaining directions again and again, pointing out places and stopping at zebra crossings. On my 2nd day here, I asked directions from an old lady who was walking her dog. After pointing out the place, she said quote “You look like a decent young man” Unquote and invited me home for a cup of coffee. We chatted for almost an hour and half ; nice conversation spanning family, travel, art and relationships. She also gave me quite a few of her contacts and asked me to drop in once in a while if I wasn’t too busy…apparently I would enjoy meeting her husband who was a professor. Max, her dog, was kind of neutral initially, but totally surrendered to my secret dog weapon - a combo ear-throat and tummy rub, and rolled over! This experience apart, people at the campus are generally helpful while people in Chicago town are a lot more brusque…like say the diff between Mumbai and say, Sholapur in India. Unlike in India, there are a whole lot of oohs and aahs when people greet each other…on the road, you are often asked “Hey.howja doing?”; initially I was quite perplexed about how to handle this…stop and reply? Ignore and walk? Just nod? These days, I manage to nod and say “fine, nice day, ma friend”. But what my newly-American mind wants my Indian tongue cant deliver (yet!) and so I end up mumbling something which makes people even more confused…it would have been funny if it wasn’t me ;-(

2. Some aren’t
There seem to be very clear boundaries of safe and unsafe areas- between XX and YY roads, its safe- a few metres away it’s not …for eg, eager to check out a “Lagoon”, I crossed over from a safe street to an unsafe street…immediately a guy started following me at a distance of about 20 mtrs…I cross, he crosses, I stop, he stops…got a bit scared but he was smaller than me, so decided to make a run for the safer side again and this jerk followed me almost all the way into the next street too before he kind of slowed down. After 7pm, the “regulars” on the street are just a bit risky to deal with whereas the “travellers”-the executive returning home, the man walking a dog, the lady with her groceries seem more likely to be helpful.

3. Meeting up with Venus-after Alex, this is the 2nd blogger that I have actually met with. Venus lives just a bit away from Chicago and she pointed me in the general direction of Walmart and Kohls and by the time she caught up, I owed them almost a hundred dollars. She’s getting married soon and I am sure our hero knows he’s a lucky dude ;-) We had dinner at an Indian restaurant with a couple of her friends and laughed over jokes that only us, Indians could enjoy…after a week of strange accents and cheeses, it was nice to chat in Hindi/English over Rotis and Alu Gobi.

The first week at U.Chicago

Although my course starts off only by Sep 4th, I had to come in early because I had enrolled myself in a pre-MBA stats course - along with pre-MBA accounting (which I didn’t take), these give a brief intro to courses that might be otherwise a bit of a toughie… esp. for students who have been out of college for 5 years+.

After landing in town, I slept for something like 18 hours, which I think took care of the jet lag. I dropped into a small dept. store to pick up basic grub - fruits, bread, cheeses and milk. The sheer variety of brands and food was more than a bit confusing…take milk - you have regular milk, non fat milk, sweetened milk, fortified milk, fruit milk, organic milk and so on. Multiply so many categories with approx. 10 flavours and 15 brands and you might get an inkling of what I am talking about. Back home, it was either Aavin or Arokya in Madurai, Milma, PDDP or Penta in Cochin…life was simpler. The same applies for all FMCG categories-chocolates, cereals (it took me all of 20 minutes to buy 1 box-sheer fascination with what was on offer!), biscuits and everything else…if you love meat, this is THE place, dudes - with more than 2 complete aisles dedicated to the meats of every creature that can walk, fly or swim…and allows for breeding - every kind of meat with every kind of flavoring…free range chicken, free range beef, salami, polish sausages, steaks, minced meat…it would take me an hour to complete the list.

I can imagine the pop-eyed reactions of some CPI stalwarts from home were they to see this - “Rampant consumerism rules in American society!”. Which is true in its own way, though. Have been walking around the campus mostly and hopefully I am building sexy sexy calves. Time and the Chicago marathon should tell!

Ganja @ Chicago!

Yup…after $150 for extra baggage, lousy Jet Airways staff, a cracked suitcase, 3 stopovers, 20 hours and 40 minutes and 2 in-flight movies, I reached Chitown on the 16th of August. I moved into some temp accommodation initially after which I moved into a students hall on 1st Sep.

Tony, the guy I am renting the room from, was very helpful in helping me settle down- he’s all of 17 years old…staying away from his parents, working over the summer and saving money for his college education. Not bad at all. I didn’t want to unpack everything in this room, so haven’t started cooking-have been surviving on yoghurt, pita bread, cheese spreads, salads, apples, bananas, potato chips and “burritos”. Hopefully upmas, idlis and chutneys should kick in soon!